The Bond of Holy Love
(Maulana A S Desai)
Rules Pertaining to Nikah (Marriage)
(Shaykh Ashraf Ali Thanwi)
Fatwas on Marriage Process (Proposing, Nikah, Walimah, etc.)
(Maulana A S Desai)
Fatwas related to Intimacy, Haram & Halal of Relationships, Tragedies, etc.
(Maulana A S Desai)
Fatwas on Polygamy
(Maulana A S Desai)
Fatwas on Divorce and Separation
(Maulana A S Desai)
Fatwas on Iddat
(Maulana A S Desai)
Fatwas related to Custody of Children
(Maulana A S Desai)
The Islamic Status of Muslim Marriage Sites
(Mufti Muhammad Sajaad)
MISCELLANEOUS FATWAS RELATED TO MARRIAGEQ. Did the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) marry Hadhrat Aishah (radhiyallahu anha) when she was 9 years old?
A. There is absolutely no doubt in the fact that Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) married Hadhrat Aishah (radhiyallahu anha) when she was 9 years old. He was informed of his impending marriage to her by means of Wahi. More than eleven Muhadditheen among the Taabi-een reported Hadhrat Aishah’s marital age directly from her. Besides this, other senior Sahaabah confirmed this fact. Other authorities have also narrated it from sources other than Hadhrat Aishah (radhiyallahu anha). It is downright ignorance for any Muslim to deny this incontrovertible truth for the sake of placating western attitudes. It only conspicuously displays the intellectual inferiority, the product of western indoctrination, from which they suffer. They have been constrained to look at Islamic and other cultures with the coloured blinkers their western masters have fitted for them.
This is confirmed in the Saheeh (Authentic) books of Hadith. There is no scope for denial of this Truth nor is there any scope in a Mu’min’s Imaan for presenting apologies and interpretations to assuage the palates of the western kuffaar enemies of Islam. Muslims who become defensive, apologetic and feel awkward when westerners broach this subject suffer from gross inferiority in their thinking. This inferiority is a product of western indoctrination which paints in offensive colours everything which is not appealing to the western so-called ‘enlightened’ mind. No one hardly frowns at the immoral western practices such as licensed prostitution, abortion, wife-swopping, homosexuality, lesbianism, same-sex ‘marriages’ and a host of other immoral, unnatural and satanic practices of the modern-day kuffaar who seek to blemish the lofty moral character of Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) with spurious arguments and claims devoid of substance.
A practice or custom is not bad simply because the immoral West believes it to be so. Marriage of 9 year old and of lesser age girls was a prevalent custom among the Arabs and it remained so throughout Islamic history, not only among the Arabs, but among non-Arab Muslims as well. Other Sahaabah too had married girls of a very young age. The fact that the marriage was contracted without hesitation and without anyone frowning is ample evidence for the prevalence of the practice
It was taboo among the pre-Islam Arabs for a man to marry the widow or divorcee of his adopted ‘son’. This was such a deep-rooted prohibition that even Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) was very hesitant to implement his desire to marry Hadhrat Zainab (radhiyallahu anha) who was divorced by Hadhrat Zaid (radhiyallahu anhu), the adopted ‘son’ of Nabi-e-Kareem (sallallahu alayhi wasallam). The prevalent attitude of society inhibited Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) from making known his desire. Then Allah Ta’ala revealed in regard to this inhibition: “You fear people while it is more befitting that you fear Allah………. We married her (Zainab) to you so that (in future) there will be no blame on the Mu’mineen regarding (marriage) to the wives of their adopted sons….” (Surah Ahzaab, Verse 27) The fact that there was no inhibition regarding marriage to Hadhrat Aishah (radhiyallahu anha) testifies to the prevalence of the custom of marrying such young girls.
In the year 5 Hijri, that is when Hadhrat Aishah (radhiyallahu anha) was 12 years of age, Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) gave her as well as all his wives the choice of opting out of his Nikah. They were given the right to choose their freedom. Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) first approached Hadhrat Aishah (radhiyallahu anha) before any of his other wives. When he gave her the choice of gaining release from his Nikah, Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) advised her to consult with her parents first before she gave her final decision. But she blankly refused to consult and spontaneously said that there was no need to consult with her parents because she chose Allah’s Rasool and to remain in his Nikah. Now when Hadhrat Aishah (radhiyallahu anha) at the age of 12 was so in love with Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) and flatly refused to even consider the option of release offered to her, then what right has any outsider to interfere and cast aspirations?
She was not in the marriage against her will. If that had been the case, she would have regarded the offer of freedom a wonderful boon and would have availed herself of the offer.
Hadhrat Aishah (radhiyallahu anha) was extremely happy from the very first day of her Nikah with Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam). She was a girl of extraordinary intelligence, hence she outrightly declined Rasulullah’s advice of consulting her parents regarding the choice given to her to opt for release from the Nikah. Even at the age of 12, she voluntarily, wholeheartedly and emphatically opted to remain in the Nikah. No one, least of all enemies of Islam, has the right to interfere and criticize a marriage with which the wife is happy and which the entire society had accepted in view of it being a norm.
There is no moral or religious constraint and restriction on child-marriage. The attitudes and norms of western society are not sacrosanct nor a criterion for the civilizations of the world to emulate. Western society with an ever-changing culture which readily assimilates into its system the worst acts of unnatural immorality cannever claim to be a pace-setter and a leader in the sphere of morality. The immoral metamorphosis it has undergone with rapidity in the past half a century testifies to its morally decadent and incrementally putrid moral state. The norms and attitudes of a culture entirely bereft of morality cannot be imposed on the Muslim Nation as a standard for judging what is good and bad for the public. What appears reprehensible to western attitudes is not necessarily reprehensible in other cultures, especially cultures such as the Islamic culture which enjoys the loftiest concept of moral purity and spirituality.
There is also no biological reason why it is improper for a nine year old girl to get married. Girls of nine years attaining adulthood with the incidence of haidh (menses) are not uncommon. Hadhrat Aishah was an extraordinary girl in both intellect and physique. She attained adulthood at the age of 9 with the commencement of haidh. Imaam Shaafi (rahmatullah alayh) states in his Kitaabul Umm that he witnessed numerous girls of the age of nine who were baalighah (having attained puberty) in Yemen. Baihqi also narrates this fact in Sunanul Kubra, and so does Ath-dhahabi in Siyar. Furthermore, Baihqi narrated in Sunanul Kubra three cases of Muslim wives who gave birth at the age of nine or ten years.
While western society is averse to child marriage, it is rapidly accepting child fornication. In fact, the system of sex ‘education’ which is being introduced in western schools to little children is satanically designed to produce a generation which will wallow in fornication and unnatural sexual practices. Reporting on a child sex education programme just introduced in British schools, the International Express in its issue dated 6 March 2007 states: “The video includes detailed descriptions of men’s and women’s genitals and describes the effects of touching them. Five- year-olds are shown illustrations of naked adults and asked to label body parts, while older children are shown an animation of a couple having sex. Producers Channel 4 say the video is widely used by primary schools as part of the Government’s recommended sex and relationship lessons. ………. Roger Hughes, head teacher of Sherwell Valley, said: ‘We are revising our sex education policy because girls are maturing earlier. Out of context, saying we are teaching four or five-year-olds about touching themselves sounds shocking. In the context of the video it is not offensive.”
There is a similar sex programme in operation in South Africa where five and six-year-olds are exposed to such sexual indoctrination. While the sexual indoctrination of 4, 5 and 6 year olds – which will most assuredly drastically increase child pregnancies in the near future, sexual abuses, unnatural sexual practices and immorality in general – has become acceptable to western minds, the western enemies of Islam disparage the healthy and holy practice of marriage to a child. While Islam does not encourage child marriage, it perfectly allows it. In contrast, while western norm does not permit child-marriage, it not only allows, but encourages child-sexual activity outside the confines of marriage as the abovementioned press report testifies. Soon fornication and unnatural sexual practices of 5 and 6 year olds will become an acceptable western norm, but child-marriage will remain an ‘evil’ in the warped and disfigured understanding of the western mind.
Muslims should take in their stride the stupid vituperation which the western enemies direct at Islam. They should understand that it is not only Hadhrat Aishah’s marriage which they are making a target for their abuse, but almost every tenet of Islam is a target for their vilification. The Islamic system of polygamy too is repulsive to western attitudes. But while they are vociferous in condemning Islamic polygamy, they are ominously silent about polygamy which is permitted in their own Scriptures. The Biblical Prophet Solomon according to the Bible had hundreds of wives, not four as stipulated by Islam. The Prophet Abraham too had a plurality of wives. In fact, most civilizations of the world had and have a system of polygamy. But to the western mind polygamy is ‘evil’ while the western unbridled practice of a plurality of sexual partners outside wedlock is tolerable and not considered to be in conflict with the ‘public good’. To the western mind, monogamy augmented by unlimited extra-marital affairs is acceptable, but limited polygamy in which the women are accorded honour, care, respectability and wifehood is ‘evil’. This is the style of western thinking which the enemies are labouring to impose on Muslims who have fallen prey to the liberalism and modernism of western civilization.
The marriage of Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) to Hadhrat Aishah (radhiyallahu anha) was divinely ordained for the Deeni interests of Muslim posterity. Her intellectual ability and capacity, and her knowledge and wisdom proved a wonderful boon and asset for Islam and the Ummah. Besides Hadhrat Abu Hurairah (radhiyallahu anhu), no other Sahaabi surpasses her in Hadith Narration. Some authorities say that half of the Shariah is structured on the Hadith narrations of Hadhrat Aishah (radhiyallahu anha). She remained a widow for 50 years and died at the age of 68.
Muslims lacking in Islamic knowledge and having been exposed to the indoctrination of western attitudes and norms, become apologetic and suffer pangs of embarrassment when they are confronted by Islamic issues which the western mind views with antipathy. The baseless idea of the west holding a monopoly in issues of moral value should be shed. A practice or custom is not bad simply because the West claims it to be ‘evil’. And the converse is also true. Islamic concepts are of divine origin for which we offer no apology. On the contrary, we should boldly uphold Islamic Custom and shrug off western objections as drivel disgorged by enemies about whom the Qur’aan Majeed says: “Verily, animosity (for you) has been disgorged from their mouths, but what their hearts conceal is worse.”
Q. If there are damsels in Jannat as a reward for pious men, what special reward is there for pious women who obey Allah. Not only men desire the opposite sex.
Allah Ta’ala is the Creator of our nature and He will not commit any injustice to any man or woman. Your problem is that you are thinking about the Aakhirah in terms of this Dunya. In adulthood a person normally does not desire what he had desired during childhood. In old age one does not normally desire what was desired in youth. Similarly, what you desire here today will not necessarily be desired in Jannat. A woman in Jannat will never desire any man other than her husband.
Q. In Islam are Women inferior to men? If so, why?
Even the Ambiyaa [Prophets] are not equal. Rasulullah (Allah bless him and grant him peace) is superior in rank to Nabi Musaa (alayhis salaam). In fact he is superior than all the Ambiyaa (alayhimus salaam). Thus, in relation to Rasulullah (Allah bless him and grant him peace) all the Ambiyaa (alayhimus salaam) are inferior. Hadhrat Jibreel (alayhis salaam) is the highest ranking Angel. In relation to him, Hadhrat Israafeel (alayhis salaam) is inferior. In relation to Qur’aan Shareef, the Hadith is inferior. In relation to the Kab’ah, Masjidun Nabawi is inferior.
In relation to the elder brother, the younger brother is inferior. In relation to a mother, her son, even if he is a great Aalim and a Saint, is inferior. In relation to an elder sister, the younger brother is inferior. In relation to Hadhrat Abu Bakr, Hadhrat Umar and all the Sahaabah (radhiyallahu anhum) and the entire Ummah are inferior. In relation to the Ustaadh [teacher], his students are inferior. In relation to a Shaikh [spiritual guide], his mureeds [disciples] are inferior whether male or female.
In every level of society there are ranks and gradations. The concept of blanket equality is a stupid idea of the Kuffaar. The husband has been made the chief of the family by Allah Ta’ala. It is his responsibility to maintain and train his wife and children. He has the highest rank in his home. He is superior to his wife and children even if his sons are the greatest saints and he an ignorant farmer.
Is it an insult to all the Ambiyaa (alayhimus salaam) to say that they are inferior to Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam)? On the contrary, they all are proud to be the inferior followers of Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam). Similarly is it with all the ‘inferior’ beings cited above as examples. The Qur’aan categorically states:
“For men over them (women) is a rank.”
What problem do you or any Muslim have with this assertion of Allah Ta’ala? The problem is only that westernism and kufr liberalism have imposed on the minds of people that the higher male ranks relegate women to chattlehood. Modernist and deviated Muslims have been made to understand that women in Islam are contemptible; that men are free to abuse and denigrate them.
But every Muslim who has even a slight understanding of Islam knows that these western ideas are plain garbage which the enemies of Allah gorge out. Even in Jannat [paradise] there will be different ranks among all levels of people. When according to Islam even two men are not equal, what is wrong if there is not equality between men and women? But since deceived people have been indoctrinated to believe that ‘inferiority’ means contemptibility, they feel awkward with Islamic teachings.
A woman with her piety can surpass any man in rank by Allah Ta’ala. By Allah Ta’ala, the criterion of superiority is Taqwa [God consciousness]. Innumerable women will have higher ranks by Allah Ta’ala than males on account of their Taqwa. Every Mu’min is aware of the lofty rank of Hadhrat Aisha (radhiyallahu anha). She was the Ustaadhah of numerous Sahaabah. She was the most beloved Wife of Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhis salaam). She will be entering Jannat centuries before numerous male Sahaabah. What idea will you now gain when it is said that she is inferior to her husband, Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhis salaam)? Is any contempt implied for her by this claim? We in fact say that contempt for her is Kufr [disbelief].
Thus, gradations in society are the creation and command of Allah Ta’ala. The Khalifah, sultan or king may be a corrupt and immoral man. But, the Shariah commands obedience to him in all his lawful orders. His rank is superior to others here on earth. In Islam women are not inferior to men in terms of the concocted meaning ascribed to ‘inferiority’ by the western kuffaar enemies of Islam.
Q. Does not the lower rank of women mean that Islam regards them with contempt?
Consider a mother. This female while sharing in common the general rank of all women, in relation to her son, she holds a superior status notwithstanding the masculinity of the latter. And, her superiority over him remains unaffected even if he happens to be the greatest Saint on earth. In relation to him, his quest for paradise always initiates from under her feet. He cannot obtain Divine Pleasure without remaining perpetually under the yoke of her sacred feet, literally and spiritually. If the son fails to serve his mother, like a slave for the rest of his life, he is doomed to hell-fire. Yet, she is not allowed to go on a journey without him being in escort of her. While she holds the key to unlock the portals of Jannat for her Saintly son, and whilst the safety of his Imaan is reliant on her pleasure, her testimony is equal to half his testimony.
These rules of the Shariah establish that the female attribute of motherhood confers a vastly superior status to this woman over elevated males who happen to be her sons and grandsons. A necessary and a rational corollary stemming from this Islamic concept, is the superiority of a mother despite her intellectual inferiority and biological differences with her sons. These latter attributes do not elevate sons above their mothers.
An elaboration on this subject will fill a whole volume. The paucity of this concise bulletin cannot dilate here on this question. However, one further example should suffice to convince even unbiased non-Muslims of Islam’s true attitude to women, men and even animals.
Humility is an imperative requirement for spiritual elevation which in turn is incumbent for the acquisition of Divine Proximity. An entire lifetime of ritual obeisance, spiritual incantations, devotional practices and litanies will not secure for the ‘saint’ one step of advance up the spiritual ladder if the attribute of humility is lacking.
Once Hadhrat Hasan Basri (rahmatullah alayh), the renowned Authority of all dimensions of Islam— spiritual, moral, intellectual and academic — who was among the greatest Taabieen, crossed the path of a dog. Hadhrat Hasan Basri pulled his flowing cloak close to his body to avoid it brushing against the dog. By the command of Allah Ta’ala, the dog stopped and spoke: “O Imaam of the Muslims! If my body is dry the your garment will not be rendered impure, and if it is moist, it can be purified by a simple washing with water. But if your heart is washed with the waters of the seven oceans, it will not be purified of the pride lurking therein”.
Overwhelmed with extreme remorse, sorrow and realization of the truth uttered by the canine servant of Allah, Hadhrat Basri cried: “O Dog! Come live with me and instruct me in morality.” The dog responded: “O Imaam of the Muslims! The two of us cannot coexist. You are the honoured Imaam of the Ummah while I am buffeted with contempt. And besides this, I do not treasure a bone for tomorrow (while you store food for days on account of the deficiency in Tawakkul).” So saying, the dog departed.
Thereafter, Hadhrat Hasan (rahmatullah alayh), as long as he lived, always held himself inferior to even a dog. In fact, the Mashaaikh of Islam say that as long as man cannot feel himself to be inferior to a dog, he should understand that pride lurks in him. This should suffice to clinch the argument and neutralize the accusation of contempt which the perverted brains of the gender mob hurl against the Islamic concept of the superiority of man over woman.
Q. A scenario in which the wife is in logger-heads with her mother-in-law, and the husband does not have the means to buy another house.
So if you make such an arrangement in the existing house that you mother will not have the right to enter your wife’s private quarters without her permission, then the haqq of your wife will be fulfilled. Then from the Shariah’s point of view she will have no further right or to demand an entirely separate house. Now if your wife will adopt obstinacy and reject this simple Shar’i solution, then it depends on you. We cannot suggest how you should react if she refuses this Shar’i solution. All men do not have the same spiritual, moral and intellectual stamina. It is quite possible that your wife will refuse this solution, and if you refuse to accede to her request, she may pack-up and leave. Can you tolerate this? If you are able to withstand a possible separation, then you should stand firm on the Shariah’s solution. You are not allowed to abandon your mother for the sake of your wife’s obstinacy.
Quarrelling among in-laws is part of life. Your wife is in error for wanting to separate because of this one nasty encounter. She should exercise patience and overlook the argument. You should explain to your wife that presently you are not by the financial means to build or buy another house. Secondly, you are not allowed by the Shariah to abandon your mother. Try to make her see reason. The better option is to slowly build another house on the vacant area on the present premises so that your mother would be near to you. On no account will it be permissible to abandon your mother. In the final analysis if a man has to choose between his wife and mother, he is obliged to choose his mother. May Allah Ta’ala solve the problem and guide everyone concerned in this matter.
Q. My mother-in-law has hatred for me. She always complains about me to her son (my husband). Is this gheebat? What should I do?
Q. Whose duty is it to look after the husband’s mother and to cook her food? She has married sons and daughters.
It should also be understood that Islam places great emphasis on morality (akhlaaq). Even if it is not one’s mother-in-law – it may be a sickly or old neighbour – then too it becomes Waajib to look after her. This is the demand of Islamic insaaniyat. Circumstances make Waajib certain issues which ordinarily are not one’s incumbent duties. There may be an old sickly person living 10 houses from you. This person may have wealthy sons and daughters who are neglecting her and who have abandoned her. If her relatives are not fulfilling their duty of caring for her, then it becomes Waajib on you even though she is not related to you and living far from you. It becomes Waajib on all those who are able to take care of the destitute person. It is not permissible for a woman to refuse to look after her mother-in-law on the basis that she has her own sons and daughters. If her sons and daughters refuse to fulfil their duty, then it is Waajib on the daughter-in-law to do what is expected of her own children.
Q. Regarding the housework for the wife there appear to be difference of opinion. Is it incumbent that she does the housework?
Even the Hanafi Fuqaha who say that housework is not Waajib on the wife, do not negate the wujoob (compulsion) of obedience to the husband in all things lawful. Thus, while cooking according to some is not Waajib on the wife by virtue of the Nikah, it becomes Waajib on her by virtue of the husband’s instruction. It is another issue if the husband oppresses her with burdens, for then he is guilty of sinning, but his sin does not justify the wife’s disobedience, hence Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said that if the husband orders his wife to stand the whole night or to transfer the stones of one mountain to another, then she has to obey. The emphasis is on obedience of the wife to her husband in all things lawful.
According to the other Math-habs, housework is Waajib on the wife by virtue of the Nikah contract, not by virtue of the husband’s orders. Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) has instructed his beloved daughter, Faatimah (radhiyallahu anha) to do the housework in her marital home, and this Hadith is the basis for the view of the other Math-habs as well as for many Hanafi Fuqaha.
Q. What are the duties of a woman towards her parents-in-law?
Q. The mas’alah of separate house for the wife is causing much confusion. Nowadays, young girls demand to live separately from their in-laws from day one. This leads to severance of ties between a man and his parents who may be old and requiring his services constantly. But if he has to live in another house far away, his parents will be put to difficulty. How should he reconcile the right of his wife with the rights of his parents when she demands to live separately?
This will be her private quarters. His parents have no right to enter her private room without her consent. In other words, she will have the key to the room and is entitled to keep it locked when she leaves the room. It is preferable to have a separate kitchen for her as well although this is not a Waajib duty. A man who severs his relationship with his parents in consequence of the evil nagging and malicious attitude of his wife is an evil cuckold. His very Imaan is in danger. He remains his parents son even if he is 50 years old and their rights cannever be extinguished by the haraam demands of his wife.
Q. Please advise regarding keeping good relations between in-laws?
However, soon after marriage, the relationship deteriorates and reaches such a lamentable ebb that it would not be an exaggeration to liken them to cats and dogs. The newly created sacred ties have no meaning for the parties. Neither does the new arrival into the home have any sabr nor her in-laws. Sneering, sulking, pulled up faces, snide remarks and injustice by both parties become the order of their lives. The man is usually caught between the devil and the deep sea in these situations of mutual cat-and dog conflicts. Both parties should conduct themselves with intelligence and understand that when one person reacts stupidly, the other party should tolerate the stupidity and indiscretion. The slightest indiscretion or silly comment made by a female is viewed with consternation by the others. The faces become pulled up, sarcastic comments are made and the relationship turns sour.
Yet, on reflection it will be found that there was no intelligent cause for despoiling the holy relationship and the happiness of the home. If the one party hears that the other party has gossiped about her, she should ignore it and convince herself that, ‘I too am guilty of gossiping’. Overlook the indiscretion and pretend as if nothing has happened. It is callous and extremely unbecoming of Imaan to institute an investigation to determine the veracity of the story of gheebat which has been peddled by some mischief-maker. The intelligent Muslim who fears Allah Ta’ala overlooks drivel and nonsense. It is not permissible to behave as if one is sinless and that it is only the other party who sins. In any relationship there are bound to be ripples, turbulence and turmoil.
But the one who has greater intelligence, adopts silence and pretends that nothing untoward has happened. In contrast the one whose brains are dense, and whose soul is tarnished with evil introduces hell into the home, and this ultimately leads to the total collapse of the in-law relationship and the marriage. When the problems of inlaws are examined, it will be found that in most cases there is no valid cause for the animosity which had generated in the cat and dog war which generally dominates this sacred relationship. It should be remembered that Allah Ta’ala has promoted the mother-in-law to the pedestal of mother, the daughter-in-law to the status of daughter, and the sisters -in-law to that of sisters. All rights and obligations applicable to parents, brothers and sisters apply to their counterparts in the in-law relationship. The need is to fear Allah Ta’ala and to understand that the abuse of these rights and obligations are major sins for which there will be a reckoning and punishment in the Aakhirah.
Q. My wife has left the marital home and refuses to return because she does not want to live in the same house as my parents. My parents are old, and I am tending to them. The house wherein we live is very big. I have offered my wife that I will partition off a section for her. She will have her own kitchen, rooms, etc. She will enjoy complete privacy and there will be no interference by my parents. However, she still refuses and insists on another building away from where my parents are living. She also insists that I take her for Hajj although presently I cannot afford it. Will her rights be fulfilled with a separate section?
Q. Is it incumbent for a woman to serve her unmarried brothers-in-law? She is expected to cook for them and see to their clothing, etc.
Q. A man and his wife live in a house belonging to the husband’s father. In the absence of the husband, the wife’s father-in-law simply walks into the house and claims that he has the right to come and go as he wishes because the property belongs to him. Is he allowed to do so?
Q. A muslim couple has been married for a year and a half. During this year and a half of marriage the wife’s mother kept interfering in their marriage. The mother finally got her way and the daughter left her husband. After six months of separation the wife comes back to the husband claiming that she wants him back and wants to work on their marriage. But during this six months of separation the husband as moved on and met someone else and fell in love with this person. My question is: Is this marriage still valid or has it been over the moment the wife moved out? And if it is still valid then that means the husband is being unfaithful to his wife?
Q. Please advise on how to deal with sihr (magic) done to separate husband and wife.
It has become fashionable to attribute to sihr just any peculiar behaviour or physical ailment a person may have contracted. Headaches, anger, illicit relationships, a sharp drop in sales and a myriad of normal and natural events and development are attributed to magic. On the flimsiest pretext, jadoo is suspected. People have become paranoid o¬n this issue. Family members are wildly accused of having enlisted the aid of sorcerers to harm relatives with sihr. Aamils who purportedly ‘journey’ into the metaphysical and spiritual realm, ‘see’ in their trances the blurred forms and appearances of people. These persons are then accused of having perpetrated the sihr.
Some aamils degenerate to the level of even naming the visionary faces they had beheld in their trances. Yet the Shariah prohibits this. The testimony of an aamil in this regard is not admissible in the Shariah. Even if the aamil happens to be a pious man, shaitaan is able to influence the trance and himself appear in the form of different persons who are then accused falsely. It is for this reason that the Shariah does not accept the visions of aamils as proof for a claim.
Many cases of assumed jadoo are actually the ‘jadoo’ of the nafs. The inconsiderate attitude of the person is the effect of his nafs which desires expression for its lust. The inordinate desires of the shaitaani nafs, and the man’s submission to these dictates are the effects of pure nafsaaniyat and shaitaaniyat. This has no relationship with sihr. A man’s extreme anger, an illicit relationship, a drop in sales, etc. are not to be presumed as effects of sihr.
The only way of salvation from this evil is mujaahadah (struggle) against the nafs. Submission of the nafs to the demands of the Shariah is the remedy for the jadoo of the nafs. Indulgence in haraam and transgression is the consequence of obedience to the nafs. It has no relationship with sihr. It is observed that when a man becomes obsessed with a female in an illicit relationship, his wife and other relatives fail to understand his obsession. They and the quack ‘aamils’ quickly attribute the man’s attitude to sihr (jadoo) whereas no sihr is involved in the man’s evil relationship. It is a plain case of shaitaaniyat and nafsaaniyat. The man is simply enslaving himself to his nafs and giving expression to the inordinate cravings of his lustful nafs. As long as a person who has become intoxicated by the cravings of his nafs refuses to struggle to restrain and neutralize his nafs, he will remain in its tentacles, inebriated with the ‘jadoo’ of the nafs. .
Undoubtedly, sihr is a reality. But in most cases there is misdiagnosis and false diagnosis by quacks and fraudulent ‘aamils’ whose motive is to fleece people of their money. They take advantage of the ignorance and gullibility of people to line their pockets. Even if a person is perhaps afflicted with sihr, and a genuine aamil is not available, he (the patient) should combat the effects of the sihr with the power of his mind. He should counter the demands of the sihr in the same way as he would fight the dictates of the nafs and shaitaan. He has to apply pressure to restrain himself from fulfilling what the sihr is supposed to do to him.
Generally sihr is perpetrated to create enmity between husband and wife in order to break down the marriage. Such sihr is perpetrated at the instigation of envious persons. Now when the spouses can understand with their rational senses that they are being constrained by some invisible force to fight between themselves or to deliberately do something to annoy or harm o¬ne another, then they should simply utilize their Aql (intelligence) and struggle to restrain the ‘force’ which from within them demands the commission of an evil deed calculated to ruin the marital relationship. With the mind, thikr, duas and mujaahadah, it is possible to neutralize the effect of jadoo. It should, however, be remembered that most of the imagined ‘jadoo’ is nothing but the demands of the evil nafs, and the remedy for this type of ‘jadoo’ is o¬nly mujaahadah— to struggle against the nafs and neutralize its demands.
Q. Is it proper for a girls madrasah ustaadh to advise his girl pupils on marriage choices? Some of the girls insist that they need their ustaadh’s permission to get married.
Q. In these times it has become difficult to get one’s marriage proposal accepted because of the beard. When I had proposed marriage, the girl’s parents insisted that I first shave my beard. Only then would they accept my proposal. My parents who are not very staunch on the Shariah, advised me to shave my beard and grow it again after marriage. Is it permissible to shave the beard for the sake of marriage?
Q. A man forbids his wife from wearing Hijaab dress when leaving the home. What should be her reaction?
Q. A wife refuses to fulfil the conjugal rights of her husband, but she becomes angry and vengeful towards the husband when he refuses to eat the food she prepares. Is the husband in this case obliged to eat her food? In view of the wife’s attitude towards him, for which she has no reason valid in the Shariah, he does not eat her food. Is he in error?
Q. My wife wants to become bay’t to a shaikh, but I do not want her to do so. I have my reasons. Is it permissible for her to take a shaikh without my consent?
Q. My husband wants me to end my bay’t with my shaikh and become bay’t to his murshid. Can he compel me to do this?
Q. My husband is a lewd man. He flirts with women. He has no care for purdah. He will leave me to attend to all the affairs even if I have to deal with males. Is it permissible for me to travel with him?
Q. I have been married for seven years. My husband has a medical problem. We are therefore unable to get children. I have made lots of sabr and make dua for guidance and strength. My husband resents himself. He has become very distant from me. I have come to accept that this is my Taqdeer and cannot be changed. In view of the attitude of my husband who shows no affection towards me, I am tempted to leave him. I don’t know what else to do.
Q. My wife wants me to hold her hand whenever we are in the public. I have told her that this is not Islamic behaviour. What do I do?
Q. All our children are now married. My wife now wants to learn to drive and apply for a job. What is the Shariah’s position?
Q. What rights does a mother have over her married son? Can his wife prevent him from service to his mother on the basis of there being other sons who can attend to her?
Q. My wife’s sister is married to a Hindu. My wife wants to visit her sister. Her sister also invites us to her home. Is it permissible for my wife and children to visit her? To what extent may we maintain social and family ties with her?
Q. My husband is involved in drugs. Sometimes he stays away for weeks. Inspite of this, I never refuse to fulfil his conjugal rights. I fear the curse of Allah and the Angels. However, recently I developed a very bad rash in the pubic area. When I separated myself from him, the rash disappeared. As soon as I sleep with him the rash reappears. What should I do?
Q. My husband insists that I be sterilized, but I refuse. He says that I am disobedient and am therefore under the curse of Allah Ta’ala. What should I do?
Q. Is it permissible for me to take my wife to a jewellery shop to select jewellery for herself?
Q. My husband refuses to work. He is not a sickly person. I work and pay all the accounts. I have to buy the food, clothes, pay the lights, water, etc. while he enjoys himself. What am I supposed to do?
Q. What is the naseehat of the Shariah for a wife whose conduct towards her husband is absolutely deplorable. She conveys the impression to people that she is pious. She participates in women’s tablighi activities, but she commits the following acts: She call her husband “a dirty rubbish” and brands him a “Hindu” because he is of Indian origin, inspite of being a born Muslim, while she is of mixed Indian-Coloured origin. She physically assaults her husband. She insults her husband because he cannot afford to spend on her as lavishly as the wealthy husband of the woman with whom she associates. She leaves the home after Maghrib without the consent and in violation of the prohibition of her husband. Please give some advice.
Of the acts mentioned by you, the worst act which makes Talaaq necessary if she does not desist, is her stepping out of the home in conflict with the husband’s instructions. While all other acts and statements of taunt and indiscretion are tolerable, a wife’s immoral emergence from the home without her husband’s consent is intolerable. Her emergence becomes immoral in two instances: When she leaves the home without the permission of her husband even for a valid, lawful purpose or when she leaves the home for a haraam purpose even with the permission of her husband. In the latter case, the dayyooth (cuckold) husband comes equally under the purview of Allah’s la’nat (curse).
Q. If a wife works and earns, does it still remain the obligation of the husband to see to her nafqah (household expenses)?
Q. A man refuses his wife permission to attend lectures of a shaikh. But she insists on going saying that the Maulana who happens to be her sheikh has given her consent to attend. What is the Shariah’s order for this situation? Can the wife attend the lectures without the consent of her husband? And, what is the duty of the Maulana? The lectures are held in a madrasah hall where separate arrangement is made for the women.
Q. What type of clothes is a wife allowed to wear in the house? Is it permissible for her to wear the latest non-Muslim fashions and styles to please her husband? Some people argue that since there is no purdah between husband and wife, she can dress in any kind of clothes to please him. Please explain.
According to the Hadith, the Malaaikah of Rahmat do not visit a home wherein the females strut around bareheaded even if there are no ghair mahrams around. If the man has a taste for prostitute charms and styles, the Muslim woman should not demean herself by behaving and appearing like a prostitute. Most women and their husbands are absolutely careless and ignorant of Islam’s lofty moral code. There are Malaaikah accompanying us 24 hours of the day. We must have some shame for these pure beings whom Allah Ta’ala has placed at our disposal—i.e. to protect us against evils. But when we dispense of their services by adopting ways and styles which generate abohorrence in the Malaaikah of Rahmat, they depart from us. A Muslim is not a beast. He has to keep his bestial demands under control and conduct himself with dignity, honour and shame at all times — inside the house and outside. This does not mean that he should be a stranger or a boss in the house. It only means that he has to observe the culture of Islam —the Sunnah of Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) —that Sunnah that brings every minute of our lives within its purview—that Sunnah about which the Qur’aan Majeed says: “Verily, for you there is a wonderful (beautiful) code of life in the Rasool (but this pattern is for those) who have hope in Allah and the Aakhirah…..”.
Q. Is it permissible for a wife to give away her money, etc. without the permission of her husband?
Q. Can a widowed mother insist on joining my wife and me when we go on a holiday. My mother lives with me. My wife is entitled to private time with her husband and children. That is why I am taking her for a holiday. But my mother insists on accompanying us.
Q. A Shaafi’ man married a Hanafi woman. Does the woman have to adopt the husband’s Math-hab?
Q. I am married 25 years. My husband performs the five daily Namaaz and keeps a beard. But when he goes to Pakistan and India, he trims his beard and discards his Islamic dress (kurtah) and changes into western garb. He will not even inform me that he will be going to these places. He engrosses in chatting on the internet with women who are his daughter’s age. He is heavily involved with pimps and sluts who are milking him for money. At home he neglects his family. He does not care of his wife’s and children’s needs. Will he ever change his evil lustful ways? He demands his needs from me. Please offer me some advice. I do not know what to do.
Q. What should I do with the haraam food my husband brings home? He is a government employee who thrives on taking bribes. He also deals in other haraam activities. His money is only haraam. What is my position, and what am I supposed to do?
Q. A husband became a Shiah. What is the status of the Nikah? What should his wife do?
Q. A girl is committing suicide by starving herself because her father had forced her to marry someone whom she did not want to marry. Is the father responsible for her contemplated suicide?
Q. Several months ago a local newspaper carried a report in which an MJC sheikh made the following comments: “Minor-adults aged between 13 and 18 could not marry without the consent of their fathers or paternal grandfathers, uncles or an older brother. Such marriages will be rendered invalid. According to Islamic law, a person is considered a minor up to the age of 13 for a boy, and 11 for a girl.” Please comment in the light of the Shariah.
According to the Shaafi’ Math-hab – we presume that the sheikh is a Shaafi’ – a female of any age, be she 60 years, CANNOT marry without the permission of the Wali (her father, grandfather, uncle, etc.) This law applies to both minor and major females in terms of the Shaafi’ Math-hab. However, the sheikh sought to restrict it to minors. The Nikah will simply not be valid according to the Shaafi’ Math-hab even if a 60 year old female marries without the consent of her Wali. The marriage of a male who is baaligh (an adult even if he happens to be 13 years) is valid even without parental consent despite such consent being morally imperative. This is according to both Shaafi’ and Hanafi Math-habs. According to the Hanafi Math-hab, the marriage of an adult female even if she is 13 years, is valid without parental consent. The issue here is validity not feasibility. The marriage of an adult male and adult female cannot be annulled even if he/she is under 18 and under 13, if it was contracted without parental consent. This is the Hanafi view. The Shaafi’ view is that the Nikah of the female without parental consent can be annulled, not that of the adult male. So what the MJC sheikh said is palpable drivel to appease his western masters.Q. My husband refuses to perform Salaat regularly. He goes for Jumuah and occasionally performs Salaat, sometimes once a day and sometimes twice a day. He sits for hours watching television. Does the Shariah allow me to adopt measures to compel him to perform Salaat? If yes, what can I do in an attempt to make my husband understand the importance of Salaat? A. Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said: “The dividing line between Imaan and kufr is neglect of Salaat.” In the endeavour to save your husband from losing his Imaan or from courting the Wrath of Allah Azza Wa Jal, you may institute the following measures: * Refuse speaking to him * Don’t cook food for him * Deny conjugal relations * Make much dua for his hidaayat (guidance).
Q. A married girl committed suicide due to extreme mental and physical torture of her husband and in-laws. What will be her state in the Aakhirat?
Q. What are the valid ways with which a husband can make a gift of his house to his wife?
(1) The husband has to remove all his possessions from the house and hand over the emptied house to his wife. Thereafter with her permission he may return his possessions.
(2) He may make a gift of the house and of all its contents to his wife simultaneously. That is, the gift of the house and the contents is made in one transaction. If he makes a gift of the house first whilst his possessions are in the house, then follows it up by making a gift of contents, the gift will be valid only in the contents, not in the house.
(3) If he has made a gift of the contents to his wife, then afterwards he may make a gift of the house to her. The first gift transaction pertaining to the house is not valid. It is therefore best to make a simultaneous gift of the house and the contents. It is essential to understand that when a husband makes a gift of the house and its contents to his wife, the gift is real, valid and the ownership of the wife is established. She will have the right to dispose of the house although in terms of Islam’s moral code it is improper for the wife to make momentous decisions pertaining to even her own wealth and assets without consulting her husband.
Q. A man says to his son or wife: ‘You are the owner of this house’. Is this gift valid according to the Shariah?
Q. It is mentioned in a Hadith that near to Qiyaamah, it will be valid to refrain from marriage. Is it permissible not to get married?
Q. It is claimed that it is haraam for women to adopt the surname of their husbands. Please explain the Shariah’s ruling in this matter.
Q. The husband dislikes the name of his wife, and asked her to change it for a better name. The wife complied. Her parents are angry with her. In this situation what should the wife do?
A. If the husband wanted his wife to change her name, then she had acted correctly. Since it is the husband’s wish, the parents should accept the decision and not be offended or grieved. In an issue of this nature, the wife has to submit to her husband’s wishes even if her parents dislike it.
Q. What is the Islamic procedure for changing one's name?
A. There is no Islamic procedure for changing a name. The person is simply called by the new name.